My faith is so weak.  I know in my mind that God is sovereign, that He is totally and absolutely in control of everything, that His will will be accomplished in and through my life, and that He is previous - He has already gone before me.  Now, one logical result of this knowledge should be an unwavering peace about the future, but I don't have that.  The future, the unknown, is exciting, but it terrifies me.  Why?  Because I'm not resting in God's sovereignty, because I want to be in control, because I don't want to submit.  I want to know who I'm going to marry and when, where I'm going to live after our lease is up, what would happen if I didn't pass a test, if I should move and where to, etc.  Why?  Because I don't want to be hurt, I don't want things to be difficult, never thinking about what the Lord might teach me, how He would grow me through those situations.  Basically, my thoughts are so self-centered rather than centered on the Lord and the truth I know about Him.

The sermon on Sunday was from Exodus 15, and it was very convicting.  In case you need a refresher, the Israelites have just been led out of Egypt and seen Pharaoh's army swallowed up by the very sea God had parted for them to walk through.  Then the journey begins...they head for the wilderness, and after traveling for 3 days without a drop of water, they reach Marah and there it is.  Can you imagine seeing a body of water?  The excitement you would feel and the desperation to reach it's shore and soothe your parched body?  Your thirst it finally going to be satisfied!  You rush towards it with the rest of the throng, finally reaching the edge, and dip your hands in, bringing them to your cracked lips.  You breathe deeply before you drink, eagerly anticipating the relief that is soon to come, and then you take your first sip.  It spews from your mouth!  It's just terrible, so bitter that you can't even drink it!  What a disappointment...then the complaining begins.
The very thing that they thought would bring satisfaction turned out to be a bitter disappointment, and rather than remembering God's faithfulness in the past and that He was the one who led them there and had already gone ahead of them to prepare the way, they complained.  I'm afraid I am all too often like the Israelites in this respect.