just a taste

My faith is so weak.  I know in my mind that God is sovereign, that He is totally and absolutely in control of everything, that His will will be accomplished in and through my life, and that He is previous - He has already gone before me.  Now, one logical result of this knowledge should be an unwavering peace about the future, but I don't have that.  The future, the unknown, is exciting, but it terrifies me.  Why?  Because I'm not resting in God's sovereignty, because I want to be in control, because I don't want to submit.  I want to know who I'm going to marry and when, where I'm going to live after our lease is up, what would happen if I didn't pass a test, if I should move and where to, etc.  Why?  Because I don't want to be hurt, I don't want things to be difficult, never thinking about what the Lord might teach me, how He would grow me through those situations.  Basically, my thoughts are so self-centered rather than centered on the Lord and the truth I know about Him.